This Fish

Ok. This is as predicted.

I fucked the fish and now it's starting to get messy. No condom last night and it is worrying me. Apparently he has some stash but totally forgot to use. What gives?

I really can't help it. He is hot. He is an enigma and most of all he is really good in bed. Who am I to actually say "no" to that?

I am beginning to actually like him. All I asked was just an elevator action and now am getting some more.

Is it goodbye time now?

I really dunno what is wrong with me. When I like some.. i LIKE someone. Interest turns into obsession and it is really surprising how I can hold off and wait for him until I give the deadliest deadline.

I like him. I really do. But I just can't wait that long.

It has always been a running joke amongst friends how I always say I am done with it but then would sporadically change my mind and say not yet. This has been going on for months now and really it is time to stop. I want to move on.

So, to you: you only have until this Saturday to take me out. No ifs, buts, and whatnots.

Time

Time is the most important gift you can give to one person -- if he is important.

If you are not willing to give time,  then the chase has no meaning.

Yesterday, I decided to finally let it go.  

Mind Fuck

Mind fuck.  It means:

1.  Having intellectual conversations about anything and everything such as silly ideas, opinions, and just plain old past life experiences with someone really interesting.  Like having sex intercourse but instead using your minds to stimulate eachother.  Usually done face-to-face over drinks ie. scotch, beer, and coffee.

2.  After series of mind fucking, you end up actually fucking.  After the actual fucking, you either continue seeing the fucker and be happy with eachother; or he drones himself with work and considers work more important than you.  You end up waiting for him and going mental thinking "what the fuck is up?"

3.  You end up leaving small messages, with much prodding from your friends, and much swallowing of one's pride.  The messages are not reciprocated because either he totally missed the message (pshyeah right!) or just merely ignore the message because it is just way too stupid or he just doesn't care.

4.  You decide that mind fuck is just waaaay fucking overrated and you resign and say, "Bah. I am tired."  

5.  You decide to just give up but deep inside you secretly hope that he is just busy that's why he is not calling you.

6.  You drown yourself with work and friends and eventually forget the previous mind fuck you had.

7.  You go out and meet a new mind fucker.

8.  You go back to the cycle.

I am not sure if I actually coined the term but yeah, that's what i call, mind fuck.

The Proust Questionnaire

I prefer answering them questions here than in FB because amma take this opportunity to reflect :) ye-huh!

~~

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by 

Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.

1.What is your idea of perfect happiness?
- I may be complicated as I seem to project but I actually like simple things such as being able to speak freely what one thinks.  I hate second guessing.  Happiness is being able to feel that feelings are being reciprocated.  No holding back.

2.What is your greatest fear?
- Apart from being eaten by little fishies instead of drowning right away if ever the ship sinks, I am really afraid of growing old without not having someone to grow old with. 

3.What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
- I cannot plan.  Really.  Ask me what I will be doing next month and my reply will be, "I dunno."

4.What is the trait you most deplore in others?
-  Hypocrisy.  I hate it when people do not say/ do what they want to say/ do.  Next is Pride.  Need I say more?

5.Which living person do you most admire?
-  Funny that most person's worth are only realized when they are already dead.  Tough question, this is.  I don't have one specific person I admire but I absolutely admire people who are driven, loyal, has integrity, and are not afraid to take risks.
  
6.What is your greatest extravagance?
- I was actually thinking about this while driving.  I do not spend so much on shoes and clothes (heck, even if i shop a lot, i make sure i do not buy very expensive things).  I guess most of my money go to food and booze.  I cannot say no to good dining experience with of course good company.  

7.What is your current state of mind?
-  Frankly, I am getting impatient.  I hate waiting, I really do.  Most of all, I hate myself when I expect too much just to be turned down.  I do not think I can take another of that anymore.

8.What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
- Chastity, as in virginity.  Holding off on sex or making love is not an option to me.  I love having sex.  Period.

9.On what occasion do you lie?
-  To save one's face especially mine.

10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?
- I have big boobs and equally big tummy and flat butt.  I can actually go on with this forever, you know.

11.Which living person do you most despise?
-  No one, really.  If I hate that means I am also sympathetic.  But really I am normally apathetic and frivolous.

12.What is the quality you most like in a man?
-  I like creative brains.  If a man can be able to feed my mind with both sense and humour then I am in love with him.

13.What is the quality you most like in a woman?
- High threshold of pain not just to physical pain but most importantly emotional.

14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
- It will come if it's meant.

- When it's done, it's done.  No point crying over spilled milk.

- Cogito ergo sum.

- Pff.. 

15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?
- No idea

16.When and where were you happiest?
- When I'm appreciated.  

17.Which talent would you most like to have?
- Realistically? I want to be able to draw / paint.  I also want to be able to write really well.  

18.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
- I am me and I love being me but I would also want to lessen my being very impulsive.

19.What do you consider your greatest achievement?
- So far?  I really don't know yet.  I have always been a dabbler. 

20.If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
- Still me.  With a rich dad! LOL

21.Where would you most like to live?
- Near the beach.  

22.What is your most treasured possession?
-  My car.  That's the only valuable thing I own.  LOL

23.What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
-  When you beg your friends to give you money so that you can eat.  

24.What is your favorite occupation?
- Cartoonist.  Sarcasm + Wit + Creativity = Cartoons!

25.What is your most marked characteristic?
- I speak my mind.

26.What do you most value in your friends?
- They listen and give sound advise.

27.Who are your favorite writers?
- Gee, i don't really know.

28.Who is your hero of fiction?
- Let me think...

29.Which historical figure do you most identify with?
- Geghis Khan!  I get what I want whatever it takes! Rarr!

30.Who are your heroes in real life?
- Oooh, sublime!

31.What are your favorite names?
-  Isis and Luna.  If ever I have twins, am gonna name them that.

32.What is it that you most dislike?
-  Ditzies.  Histrionics.  Poverty.

33.What is your greatest regret?
-  None, really.

34.How would you like to die?
-  Fast.  None of those hospital drama.

35.What is your motto?
-  cogito ergo sum, ergo dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum

I need sleep, really

I haven't been sleeping well and I am attributing it to my work anxiety.  Apparently, it's not work.  It's you who is giving me that!  

I am becoming too mental about this and it's not healthy anymore.

I am letting you go.

I am tired of chasing you.

When you have the time, then maybe we can talk again.

F**k You!

To you whom I both hate and adore:-

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

so you say it’s not okay to be gay
well I think you’re just evil
you’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
you’re point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
you want to be like your father
it’s approval you’re after
well that’s not how you’ll find it

do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
you’re losing control of it
and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you're already in one.
Cause it's people like you that need to get sued
No-one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch